Throughout history, many men have been [and continue to be] celebrated for some emotions that are stereotypically labelled as feminine.
Jesus Christ- Love. Mohammed- Peace [be upon Him]. Martin Luther King Jr. – Equality and Justice. Mahatma Gandhi- Kindness.
Interestingly, today’s traditional masculinity norms abhors the man from freely expressing similar emotions. A man risks being considered weak, soft, even feminine if he’s found to be loving, peaceful, seeking equality and justice for all people, or showing acts of kindness. A man can be pardoned for being callous, reckless, ruthless, insensitive, but not for being vulnerable, per traditional masculinity norms.
As Liz Plank points out, these toxic masculinity values trace back to the ways boys are raised. In her book, For the Love of Men [ From Toxic to a More Mindful Masculinity], the author explores how this toxic problem is birthed. She implicates stereotypical statements like “boys will always be boys and boys don’t cry”, which she suggests tend to set very low standards for emotional intelligent behaviours for boys as they grow into men. According to Liz, it all comes down to the ways boys are socialized differently from girls whom we often hold the higher expectations of being nurturing, quiet, and loving.
Liz also discussed the ways in society have stereotyped and gendered certain professions. Personally, it was quite an eye opener for me to learn about the extent to which this practice of stereotyping some professions as as feminine and masculine rather disadvantages boys. As she points out, whilst it’s often encouraged for girls to explore options outside the bounds of the stereotypical feminine professions, it is highly discouraged for boys to do the same. The problem herein is, she points out, boys and men are often more comfortable to choose to be unemployed rather than be employed in a stereotypical feminine profession. This seemingly simple dichotomy has adverse effects impacting some men’s self-esteem and their mental health. In fact, Liz does a great justice exposing how the patriarchy [which is often looked at as a male advantage] instead hurts men as much as it hurts women.
Then, there was the debunking of the ideas about men’s roles as breadwinners and providers in today’s [almost equal] society where women are capable of providing for their families. To be fair, she provides an empathetic education about all men- gay, heterosexual, transgender- and their sexuality and mental health in the best way I’ve learnt. The beauty of it is the way she uses both anecdotal and empirical evidence to drive all her points home. Migrating from a toxic masculinity mindset to a more mindful masculinity one is a journey that every man needs to embark on “for the love of men”.
And, in fact, Liz’s book serves as a great roadmap for that journey. It’s a book that every man and woman ought to read for the love of men. But, I must admit, that most importantly, it’s a book for only the openminded man and woman who is willing to see the world for what it is becoming, embrace change, and be willing to change themselves FOR THE LOVE OF MEN.
Buy a copy of Liz Plank’s For the Love of Men at online or from your local bookstore.
Raven's Reads 